It's all about the STORY!

I’ve written a few short stories, and I’ve been told that they are too short and in need of more chapters. I’m open to a vote.

Which of these stories would you like to read a second chapter on?

  1. Gulfside Motel: A Meditation on Death and Life
  2. My Psychedelic Cat
  3. The Book of Carver

Note: The Book of Carver already has a few chapters written, then it spun off into something that should be another story… if you didn’t like some of the chapters here, please let me know where you think I should pick up and what I should scrap (I’m personally not crazy about all of Carver’s subsequent chapters).

With all of your recommendations, please feel free to give your critique of anything written. I welcome ALL comments.

All in fun!  –Daphne

Comments on: "Please VOTE – Which story needs a second chapter written?" (2)

  1. Definitely GULFSIDE MOTEL, though the title is pretentious. I love the character’s voice at the beginning – would like it in italics or something, because when the actual narrator voice starts, I don’t understand right away why 3rd person pronouns are being used in what I thought was a 1st person narrative. I like her getting tangled into the hammock, and then discovers she’s got much bigger problems because she’s tangled into some kind of DEAD BODY thing. It’s interesting, and I like her so I’m actually starting to get panicky when she’s caught and then really shocked when her hand finds the dead hand.

    The CAT thing is just weird. I don’t know what’s a dream and what’s real, and while I understand that’s part of the magic, it’s just annoying to me. I don’t like Elliot, and I don’t like the musician, and I can’t relate to this kind of high society, formal gown, get drunk at the richies party,

    And CARVER is very slow moving. Frankly, and this will hurt, I’d like to see what it would look like it you took these FIVE chapters and kept the STORY but cut back the wordiness into just TWO chapters: one with him on the sidewalk and one with him being found/hospital ending with entrance of cops.

    Here’s an offer for you: You write, and when you’re ready, I’ll go back through it and find any spelling/word/continuity issues for you to fix before you upload it or send it out for potential publishing. I did this for Susan Demers’ two murder mysteries, and she said it was helpful just to get the story out first by herself, and fix stuff secondarily. And yeah, I do this for free. 🙂

    • Cool! Gulfside Motel is my favorite, too, and I want to leave the title at just that: Gulfside Motel. To hook web audiences, sometimes I have to use more descriptors in a title than I would like. This particular story opening has been with me for a long time… so very glad you like it!

      Book of Carver — I only like the first chapter. This was my “most read” story posted on-line. Almost a thousand hits and shares. But, after Chapter 1, it’s a very weak story. It spun off into something else, too… beyond what’s posted here. If you like the idea of him waking in the hospital… I’ll certainly try that! I was writing for NaNoWriMo, so it was more about putting words on pages than creating a good story, which is why it trails off so much. I have more chapters to it, but they don’t belong to this story.

      Psychedelic Cat is my most popular among people I know personally, which I think says some crazy stuff about my friends, LOL. The magical realism style used seems to have worked with the high art and avant garde crowd. Which is cool for me to know that I pulled it off. I talked to a friend about it saying to him that I don’t think this story has more chapters. He said, “Everything has more chapters.” I’m not sure, but it may have the ability to spin several short stories that I can string together with the cat presence.

      I shall take you up on your offer!!!!!! 😀 (Thanks so much for reading everything!)

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