Let’s be clear. I love being an adult, but I have no intention of ever growing up. Just in case anyone was confused on that matter (insert short jokes here–I’m 5’2”)…
Being grown up seems to mean settling: settling down, settling for, to settle with… I don’t want to be settled. I am forever disrupted and disruptive, playing in mud, intentionally taking long walks in the rain, exploring, discovering, creating and playing. I want to be with playful, creative, inspired people. Instead of getting exhausted from encountering another barrier, I prefer getting excited about what I can do with it–maybe we can paint it, decorate it and enjoy it. Maybe we can figure out how it works and use its power for our gain–to better the world or at least our inner-world. Maybe we can be its friend and realize it was never a barrier in the first place–it just seemed that way because it was different, and we didn’t understand it.
Here are 7 CREATIVE ways to effectively deactivate stress…
There’s no joking around about the seriousness of stress. At the very least it eats away at us, preventing us from enjoying life fully. At its worse, it is deadly—a major contributor in obesity, high blood pressure and other critical health conditions and diseases as well as mental illnesses, including problems with alcohol and other drugs, anxiety disorders and depression. It even has been linked to many instances of suicide. Tame the beast—take action to help manage stress.
Daydream—you may often hear advice about meditation, and that certainly has its place, but… daydreaming has become a lost art by far too many. Stare at the clouds, gaze into the water or just simply stare off into space. Let your mind wander and imagine yourself in dream lands, surrounded by people you enjoy or off on your own to explore and revel in creative bliss… all inside your own skull.
Write—oh stop worrying; no one said you need to publish this, but you just might want to once you’ve done it long enough. Just get the stuff stuck inside your head and your heart outside and take a look at it. Go ahead and write about what’s scaring you, or not. You may choose to write a better story; one where you are empowered and actively achieving all you desire. Or, even still you may choose to channel your inner voice, and give it a platform to express spirit, wonder, gratitude and grace. Or… all of the above.
Draw—I don’t care if your version of a Renoir looks exactly like blotchy, lumpy diseased stick figures. Draw something—groupings of circles, an abstract of the horizon at dusk, a blade of grass or leaves, clouds… anything. The point is to explore expressing yourself non-verbally. We relay far too much on words and give them far too much power in our lives. Here is an opportunity to explore the connections between your eyes and your hands in a creative fashion. Use a pencil, your favorite pen or go wild with pastels, colored pencils or even crayons. Have fun and explore
Sing—whether you’re a nightingale or more closely resemble a quacking duck, put your favorite tune in your head (or go ahead and queue it up on your Mp3), and sing that song! Fill up your body with air and let sounds reverberate through every atom that makes you… you. Don’t be shy and activate your whole self in song. Throw all of your energy into making music—the very expression of your own breath.
Dance—that’s right, get down and get jiggy with it! Or slip into some Ravel and go on point if that’s your pleasure. Experience music as an expression of your whole body. Oh come on no one’s looking. And so what if they are? Make them envy your joy! They should feel so free.
Create—just start and go! Have you ever wanted to sculpt? Play the piano? Paint a mural? Write a story? Compose a song? Choreograph a dance? Just start. You may not like where it takes you at first, but you started! That’s more than most people ever do. Great work! Now, keep doing it, and by accident, if you keep doing it enough and work on doing it a little better each time, you’ll find at some point—you’re actually kinda good. Maybe ever great! But that will never, ever, ever happen… unless you begin.
Pretend—pretend you’re somebody else. If you could be a different type of person… you might walk differently, speak differently, behave differently… dress, attitude, habits, preferences… all different. Even how you choose to spend your day might be different. For one morning, afternoon, or one evening, go somewhere where no one knows you, and go BE that different person. Keep your name, and please do try to keep your sanity and return to reality once you’re done with your “trip,” but also do take note of all being that alter ego taught you. How were you treated? How did you feel? Did you see things differently, value different things and take notice of different things than you normally would? Were your interactions with people different? Overall, how did your experiences differ, and what lessons from this experience can you incorporate into your real life and real personality to be an even more authentic, happier and empowered you?
Activating your creativity helps to deactivate stress by opening a portal for that negative energy, and with you and your creative spirit serving as the conduit, you have the power to turn the negative energy—STRESS—into a very positive energy—ART.
Here are seven ACTUALLY EFFECTIVE ways to deactivate stress.
There’s no joking around about the seriousness of stress. At the very least it eats away at us, preventing us from enjoying life fully. At its worse, it is deadly—a major contributor in obesity, high blood pressure and other critical health conditions and diseases as well as mental illnesses, including problems with alcohol and other drugs, anxiety disorders and depression. It even has been linked to many instances of suicide. Tame the beast—take action to help manage stress.
Experience—everything tends to work out no matter how badly I worked to screw it up
Looking Forward—decide to do one thing every day that you look forward to doing (going out for a drink, watch the sunset, watch a movie, spend time with a friend, write a story, paint…)
Positive, Creative Intelligent & PLAY—surround yourself with positive, creative, intelligent and playful people and spend enough time alone to stay sane
New Beginnings—Know that there is an ever-present opportunity to pick up and start over
Nature—never lose your connection with the Earth, and go for a hike, a swim in the ocean, climb a tree, play in the rain, sit or go for a run in a park, exercise outside, sail, stare at the horizon across the water; it’s the connection to the planet that reminds us of the infinite nature of our true reach and how insignificant humanity is and thus our problems…
Quiet—spend time in silence: mind, body and spirit; profound calm creates a space for creative thought and for the imagination to run wild; day dream, meditate… whatever speaks to you
Enjoy—remember that very little is all that important anyway, so enjoy!
The weekly Patch.com column that I was assigned to was on “caregivers,” and the editor and I chose to use that term very broadly. Here are the articles I wrote for that column…
I’ve moved into an apartment in downtown St. Petersburg, and I noticed something odd. Notes–lots of notes left on people’s car windshields about where and how they park. Yes, I’ve received these notes, and so have many others. ‘Please park farther up,’ ‘please park farther back,’ ‘please don’t park here,’ ‘please park there…’
Let me be clear, there is no assigned parking in this area; it’s just a bunch of people feeling entitled to parking a certain way in a certain place for whatever reason and feeling even more entitled to tell everyone else how they should be doing it. Maybe it’s a psychological disorder–people with surging grandiosity complexes who have hallucinated a seniority system in their own minds, where they are at the top, that they believe should apply to all others.
Most likely, however, it’s just another sad, vapid display of entitlement. America is nearly crippled with this disease of entitlement. Screw welcoming someone new to the neighborhood! Let’s try to push them around so that they understand just how important I am, and that I am entitled to act like a horse’s ass, and they are obligated to obey me and agree that I am entitled to my self-appointed bullshit.
These are the same people who stand in the middle of the supermarket with their cart jackknifed so that no one could possibly get around them. The same people who talk on their cell phones as they are going up to the bank teller, expecting everyone else to wait for their conversation to end. The same morons who walk down a sidewalk with a group of friends side-by-side headed right towards you, expecting you to either walk right through them or stumble off to the grass to get around them, because they feel entitled to have you move versus stepping to the side so that everyone can walk freely at the same time…
Here’s the thing, I’m not interested. No, I do not agree that you are entitled to anything more or less than anyone else. Not for any reason. No, I will not treat you with increased reverence or even fear because you throw an infantile temper tantrum or demand some sort of un-earned and ill-deserved respect. Frankly, you and your banal antics bore me. It’s not unique, you know–you’re common. Far too common if you look around to this national epidemic of entitlement.
Another very sad side-effect of this disease, it makes those inflicted with it look small and maybe even a little slow-witted. Though they think they look important or scary. Sad. Perhaps there will be some treatment, cure or immunization in the future to save generations to come. Meanwhile, we must attempt to arm ourselves with the only defenses available: kindness, graciousness, hospitality and generosity.
And so, in the end, I will leave this infirmed individual to that parking space in question, in the name of courtesy–a trait that is far too uncommon in society today. Not that I agree that anyone deserves a particular parking space for any reason, but because it is simply generous of me to let it go and move along. And so I will.
The Spring of Tampa Bay has partnered with Ad2 Tampa Bay to develop a statewide social marketing campaign, “i own me,” empowering youths to set boundaries and prevent violence.
I recently interviewed Brenda Rouse, director of communications of The Spring of Tampa Bay, who described how abuse begins in a relationship. According to Rouse, abuse begins as a situation in which one person in a relationship does not honor and respect the personal boundaries of the other person. Boundaries are critical; these are the rules a person establishes for him or herself and how he or she wants and expects to be treated.
Rouse gives an example: “If I were a teenage girl, my boundaries could include how late at night you can call me on the phone, the words I allow you to use when you speak to me, the pet names you give me, and even whether or not you display affection to me in the halls at school. Violate these boundaries, and it’s abusive. These personal boundaries are often violated before physical violence and sexual abuse begins.”
Rouse explains that teaching young women how to recognize, establish and enforce their personal boundaries is becoming much more difficult in this age of cellphones, Skype and Facebook and Internet communications. Rouse said that many girls who have been abused will tell you that the problem often begins when young men expect girls to answer calls and respond to text messages on a 24-hour cycle. There is no allowable downtime for communication.
Get Teens Involved
Teens can take the pledge “to demand respect from my boyfriend or girlfriend. I expect to be treated properly by establishing personal boundaries and to be honored in my decisions concerning privacy, sex, and affection. I will not tolerate being physically, verbally, or emotionally hurt” by visiting www.iown.me. They also can like the “i own me” Facebook page and follow “i own me” on Twitter.
Why Preventing Teen Violence Is Important
According to studies published in the American Journal of Preventive Medicine, Journal of Adolescent Health, Morbidity & Mortality Weekly Report, Journal of the American Medical Association and by other researchers:
About 1 in 4 teens report verbal, physical, emotional or sexual abuse each year.
About 1 in 11 teens report being a victim of physical dating abuse each year.
About 1 in 5 teens report being a victim of emotional abuse.
About 1 in 5 high school girls have been physically or sexually abused by a dating partner.
80 percent of teens regard verbal abuse as a serious issue for their age group.
1 in 3 teens report knowing a friend or peer who has been hit, punched, kicked, slapped, choked or otherwise physically hurt by his or her partner.
About 72 percent of students in 8th and 9th grade report “dating.”
By the time they are in high school, 54 percent of students report dating violence among their peers.
Nearly 80 percent of girls who have been physically abused in their dating relationships continue to date their abuser.
Nearly 1 in 5 teenage girls who have been in a relationship said a boyfriend had threatened violence or self-harm if presented with a breakup.
Almost 70 percent of young women who have been raped knew their rapist either as a boyfriend, friend or casual acquaintance.
Teen dating abuse most often takes place in the home of one of the partners.
The overall occurrence of dating violence is higher among black students (13.9 percent) than Hispanic students (9.3 percent) or white students (7.0 percent), according to data from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.
More than one in six Floridians are living in poverty — the highest the state poverty rate has been in more than a decade, according to census figures recently released.
As for today, October 2011, anecdotal evidence from local social service providers and unemployment statistics paints a picture that is increasingly bleak. This portrait has poverty levels rising even more day by day in response to our country’s current economic recession.
Understanding Leads to Solutions
JWB Children’s Services Council of Pinellas County (JWB) recently partnered with Angelica Norton, founder and CEO of Seed Sowing Sister to create an innovative curriculum, The Poverty Experience. I had the opportunity to participate in The Poverty Experience a few months ago at The Hispanic Leadership Council’s annual conference, and the experience was profound.
The Poverty Experience is a simulation that lasts one hour — 15 minutes equals a day, and families are formed among groups of one to five strangers randomly assigned individual scenarios including age, income and needs of specific family members, rent payments and medical expenses.
Initially, participants are calm, exploring the long lines, politely smiling at one another, moving from station to station to buy food, pay rent, get food stamps, pawn belongings, get to doctor’s offices and buy bus passes.
That’s only for the first 15 minutes. After that, the simulation begins to hit home. People begin to realize they can’t make it. They have not had time and/or money to buy food. They keep getting sent to the back of long lines. They run out of money for transportation. Children wander off in the crowd, and the police remove the children from the families, charging them with abandonment and neglect. People get evicted from their homes because their rent is past due.
The behavior of the crowd changes. They rush from line to line and get annoyed when another person gets a job and they get turned down. Jealousy sinks in. Actual frustration and a sense of urgency take over, and the lightbulb goes off — this is how many of our neighbors live every day.
Core Hardships of Poverty
Five core problems arise when individuals are struggling in poverty. These include:
Affordable housing
Adequate food
Transportation
Affordable child care
Access to communication: phones, addresses, email, Internet, etc.
Without these needs being met consistently, poverty can turn quickly into a downward spiral of progressive illnesses, homelessness and legal issues, including the potential of losing custody of children due to inadequate child care. I have included a video with this article (see above). Benjamin Kirby, communications director of JWB, interviews Jane Walker, executive director of Daystar Life Center, and they discuss many of these issues along with some real solutions.
Bring the Experience to Your Group
The Poverty Experience simulation is available to groups in the Tampa Bay area and throughout the nation. The simulation is designed to help deepen understanding and compassion, which often sparks solution-building.
To bring the simulation to your group, contact Angelica Norton, executive director of Seed Sowing Sister, at seedsowingsister@gmail.com; or Shelba Waldron, training manager of JWB Children’s Services Council of Pinellas County, at swaldron@jwbpinellas.org.
I write a weekly syndicated column for Patch.com on caregivers. This week, I wrote about me and my personal path that lead me to working for nonprofits. While I am now currently a full-time freelance writer and communications consultant, my background was critical for me to learn intricate details about our community, the people in our community living in myriad socio-economic lifestyles and dealing with many different social problems. Learning about all of these people, their circumstances, challenges and the inspirational stories of how many have overcome these challenges has helped me learn to communicate and connect with people from all walks of life. I am grateful for all I have experienced and I look forward to the journey that lies ahead!
A career in the caregiving field is a personal one. There are as many unique stories, callings and circumstances as there are professionals in the field. Here is my story:
Communicating Without Words
I began my career as a professional caregiver more than 13 years ago, but to be honest, it wasn’t an intentional choice. I was actually an aspiring opera singer majoring in classical voice performance who needed a night job to match my busy college and audition schedule. The helping fields had residential programs for overnight shifts so I applied. This launched the life-long career that I could never have predicted.
Most of the residents there were non-verbal and those who could speak had very limited capacity. I thought, “This is impossible! I won’t be able to instruct them, communicate with them, figure out if they have a headache or other needs. How can I do this?” I learned over the course of two years that communication has very little to do with words and everything to do with establishing relationships and having a desire to communicate.
Effective communication requires only that one or more people have something they want to communicate and that there is another person or more willing to receive the message. Everything else is just a variation in delivery methods and technique. This can come in infinite forms.
This lesson was profound, and I keep learning from it in ways I never imagined now as both a professional caregiver and in my current occupation as a writer. I continuously work to develop a clear message and to find an audience willing to receive that message. When I hit barriers, I look to my past for creative ways to communicate and find a willing audience. It’s not always easy, but it is always possible.
Are you in charge of keeping your business afloat? Relevant? competitive? Sustainable? Yes? Then, my friend, you have much to worry about.
You have much to worry about unless words such as diversification, collaborations, change-management, resource-sharing and partnership are central to your business philosophy. Beyond incorporating these key words in meaningful ways, perhaps the most important part of this newly-needed philosophy is redefining your concept of competition.
Today’s competitive edge is far from the 80s version–kill or be killed and destroy your adversaries; wipe out the competition so that
Samurai Competition
you’re the only one left standing.
Why doesn’t this philosophy work any longer? Because the world is flat. The world is flat due to advanced communications and globalization. The world is flat because customers and clients can reach all corners of the globe to get the goods and services they want and need. The customers and clients–your target population–in your community no longer need you. You need them. Redefining your concept of competition is a powerful method of cultivating them.
At the end of the day, it’s all about value. Some things have never and will never change about business, and central to these constants in a free market is value. Customers and clients will seek it out and build their loyalty around it. So, the question is, are you as valuable as you can be?
A key way to raising the value of your business is through partnerships and resource-sharing. This doesn’t necessarily mean bringing partners into your business to run things and work with you and your team to make things happen. What it does mean is looking around for your competitors, getting to know them and the services they provide, looking for the unique–looking for value. Then, see how you can leverage your difference to share referrals and team up on projects, utilizing one anothers’ expertise. Very few pros are equally good at everything, so look for ways to share resources in niche markets. This will increase your value in the eyes of your public and demonstrate that you and your partner(s) are innovators in your field working together to provide the absolute best for your customers and clients.
Look at your competition differently–they are your greatest potential allies, and working together, you can each raise the value of offerings to your customers and clients. By viewing competition as partners, everyone wins.
This is all about game theory for business. Wiping out your competitors could concel you out, too. Better to collaborate than lose everything.
It’s foolishly overlooked as a critical strategy. Resting allows the mind to stop spinning in circles over the obsessive conscious, which tends to result in an anxiety-ridden, explosive, reactionary and thoughtless state of being. No, seriously, it’s that bad. Do you think you are immune? Think again–you’re just in denial. Resting, ample amounts of rest in various forms, are required for the brain to act creatively and thoughtfully and to learn.
Sleeping, napping, meditating, dreaming, visualizing… these are all crucial activities that help give your mind needed rest.
So, if you’re having trouble coming up with that pressing solution, if that new concept or artistic idea just isn’t gelling, if you simply can’t learn that lesson or program you’ve been studying, if that issue is just beating you down: rest. Sleep, nap, hike, meditate, dream, visualize… anything to get your mind in a peaceful state. Rest, and you will find it gets better.
disruptive, playing in mud, intentionally taking long walks in the rain, exploring, discovering, creating and playing. I want to be with playful, creative, inspired people. Instead of getting exhausted from encountering another barrier, I prefer getting excited about what I can do with it–maybe we can paint it, decorate it and enjoy it. Maybe we can figure out how it works and use its power for our gain–to better the world or at least our inner-world. Maybe we can be its friend and realize it was never a barrier in the first place–it just seemed that way because it was different, and we didn’t understand it.
Daphne Street's Blog 